Letting Go
Why Learning a New Approach Can Feel So Inconsistent
Often, people “hang on” to a horse training method or way of doing things for far longer than what helps them or their horse. By the time someone is open to considering, trying, or learning something new, it isn’t just about different information.
More often, it’s about recognizing what has to be undone and understanding how the familiar—even when it wasn’t working—can influence confidence, emotions, and the speed of communication.
Why Letting Go Can Feel Like a Loss
When we begin to let go of previous beliefs or methods, the human brain often doesn’t experience comfort or emotional neutrality. Instead, it may perceive earlier experiences as a loss.
Perhaps prior beliefs gave you:
- A sense of competence
- Predictability
- Emotional safety
- Familiarity: “This is how I do things.”
This unfamiliarity can lead to self-doubt, questioning, and a diminishing sense of confidence.
As you experiment with changing things up and incorporating a new approach, it can unexpectedly trigger emotions such as:
- Defensiveness
- Frustration
- Fear of failure
- Sadness about the confidence—or the accomplishments—you once thought you had developed during previous horse interactions
These are just some of the many reasons the learning curve often becomes inconsistent during the evolution of one’s awareness.
When New Understanding Creates More Questions
Another aspect is recognizing that, as you learn to understand a new concept, approach, or refine the foundation of understanding and communication with your horse, what you initially thought you were clear about can sometimes become more confusing.
This often happens as you begin having real experiences with your horse through a new mindset.
One day, you may feel inspired and mentally clear.
The next day, something unexpected may occur, triggering you to revert to old habits.
Then comes the annoyance of having to revisit things you once considered “done.”
Those deeply ingrained patterns have nothing to do with whether you believe in the effectiveness of the new approach. Instead, they may reflect your nervous system trying to regain stability in unfamiliar territory.
The Tension Between the Old and the New
I’m not a psychologist, but my understanding of cognitive dissonance is that it involves experiencing conflicting beliefs or ideas simultaneously. The brain doesn’t like uncertainty, so we can find ourselves swinging between the old and the new, searching for solid ground.
Inconsistency in your thoughts is part of letting go of the old while experimenting with the new.
Naturally integrating a raised awareness while adapting your communication takes time. What initially feels awkward, overwhelming, or uncertain can gradually become more natural, without the need to overanalyze every aspect of what is occurring.
Learning Happens in Layers
Learning adaptable horse skills happens in layers—not through rote, standardized behaviors based on “we always do it this way.”
You don’t replace old beliefs overnight. When unexpected or triggering scenarios with your horse occur, you may return to familiar responses, even when you rationally know they aren’t helping you or your equine.
Mindset shifts slowly lead to developing new, quality communication, which is reinforced by your horse’s positive responses.
As you experience a different side of your horse and begin to see consistent, desired changes, you gain evidence that something is changing. That evidence can help you feel calmer, think more clearly, and build confidence.
Tips to Smooth the Learning Curve
- Practice compassion for yourself when old habits resurface.
- Give yourself permission to feel awkward or unsure.
- Understand that confusion often precedes clarity.
- Allow yourself to practice without demanding perfection.
Give Yourself Permission to Grow
Growth isn’t linear. There’s no guarantee of how or when things will change.
Allow yourself the opportunity to experiment.
Let go of unrealistic expectations.
Release self-imposed urgency.
Assess how your thoughts and emotions influence your behavior.
When learning a new approach feels messy, frustrating, or uneven, it does not mean you are failing.
You’re letting go of deeply ingrained “wiring.” It takes time, experience, awareness, and intention to undo habitual patterns and thought processes.
Remember:
The more you can shift your perception from “have to” to “get to,” the more enjoyable the learning journey with your horse can become— even when you’re experiencing the unknown.
Give yourself grace. Stay curious. Keep learning.
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